Congratulations on your well-earned retirement. Capitalize on what comes. Margaret Mead, A man is known by the company that keeps him on after retirement age. Gene Perret, "My father calls acting 'a state of permanent retirement with short spurts of work.'" They arent going to get rid of me that way. It's when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it." After 5 hours sitting in the bar, a man was in no shape to drive, wisely left his car parked and walked home. Retirement is a Piece of Cake. The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. Funny quotes Retirement quotes The basic mission of Police is to PREVENT crime and disorder. Go make the most of your days and enjoy your retirement. Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? To me, a job is an invasion of privacy. Unknown, He who laughs last at the bosss jokes probably isnt far from retirement. Unknown, There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working. Robert Half, Retirement: its nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese. Gene Perret, You cant retire from being great. Unknown, Some of the best memories are made in flip flops. Kellie Elmore, We make a living by what we get. forget that the highest appreciation is not Patrick Foley. Why did the police officer smell so bad? retirement savings in an IRA or qualified plan such as a 401(k). As she dug through her purse, she became more and more agitated. We wonder if he knows what he is leaving behind, because we already know. 33. Kitty ONeill Collins, I never had the sense that there was an end: that there was a retirement or that there was a jackpot. It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating. What are the cat police called? Cows will never make the police force because they simply refuse to go on steak-outs. Hey Girl I'm Going To Retire Some Day Cheers To You Time To Come Out Of Retirement I Didn't Choose The Retired Life Did I Save Enough Money For Retirement Alcohol Retirement What Is This Retirement I Can't Wait To Retire What Do You Call A Person Who Is Happy On Monday Morning Retirement Here I Come I'm Late For Work Again Retiring Like A Boss A state trooper pulled a farmer over on a rural road and said, Sir, do you realize your brother fell out of the car several miles back?, To which the farmer replied, Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!, This article was originally published on Oct. 29, 2019, A Man Went Viral For Refusing To Give Up His Spot On A Ride To A Crying Child, An American Mom Shares The Utter Magic Of Danish Playgrounds. You will always have a home here. Have you been drinking?, Driver: I noticed your eyes are glazed over. 8329 matching entries found. It is the beginning of the open highway. Unknown, Dont act your age in retirement. Financial peace isnt the acquisition of stuff. Looking for humorous notes and quirky messages to write on a sweet card or to use in a speech. Its learning to live on less than you make, so you can give money back and have money to invest. What do you say when your friend wants to hear a really cool joke about the police from you? your many years of sacrifice and service. "Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. It will take you wherever you wish, but it will not replace you as the driver. 24. At PoemSearcher.com find thousands of poems categorized into thousands of categories. For more information about our senior living facility, SLS Communities or to schedule a tour, please call us today at 623-544-4777. I wish I can also retire right now so that I don't need to call anyone boss. Unknown, "When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Jeanne Moreau, Its paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesnt appeal to anyone. quotesgram.com. Personalized Crystals to Celebrate Life's Moments 2023 DIYAwards.com. #7 Dear husband, you have been successful all your life. 5. What does it look like? the woman asked. #5 To the man who has been my best friend for years, my partner in crime, and the love of my life, Happy Retirement! Funny Retirement Messages for Police Officers You've served and done your hard time, now you can enjoy freedom! Now that leadership is gone. We enjoy success due to your leadership, 56. We all hope you enjoy your retirement. Share this quote on Facebook Send via Mail . For Your Loyal and Dedicated Service From the movie: Judge Dredd. Below you will find our collection of inspirational wise and humorous old funny retirement quotes funny retirement sayings and funny retirement proverbs collected over the years from a variety of sources. You cant win until you do this. These Funny Comebacks And Insults Are What Our Minds Are Really Made Of. All those years of working and now you can get back to acting like a child again! An officer stops a man for speeding and notices he's not wearing his required prescription glasses. George Bernard Shaw, The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know youll grow out of it. Act like the inner young person you have always been." Police officers: Commemorate your coworker's strength, courage and bravery with a personalized police retirement gift. Get to know the people behind the company and the mission behind the work, Enterprise "You will be alone. "When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch" R C Sherriff. Having A Good Time Is My Job! Find GIFs with the latest and newest hashtags! Lewis, Theres never enough time to do all the nothing you want. Bill Watterson, As in all successful ventures, the foundation of a good retirement is planning. Earl Nightingale, When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch. R.C. on the next chapter in your life, Funny Gifs Official site of the weekly web comic "Incompatibles" by Mario Estioko. You're no longer cuffed to a job. Enjoy your freedom! Call us today at 928-985-6259 and learn more about our facility and what we have to offer todays seniors. Honoring Years of Dedicated Public Service, To A Retiring DHS Officer / Senior Leader. Inspirational Retirement Quotes Funny Quotes About Retirement Funny Retirement Quotes For Women Maxine Retirement Quotes Funny Life Quotes Abraham Lincoln Quotes Albert Einstein Quotes Bill Gates Quotes . An officer sees a man exit a bar at closing time and get into his car. You're no longer cuffed to a job. Unknown, "Retirement: When you stop lying about your age and start lying around the house." Discover and share Police Funny Quotes About Retirement. 43. 54. Have you been eating donuts?, 6. Here's to making your retirement a dream come true! Retirement is like coming home one day and telling your wife honey i m home for good. Tennessee Williams, Dont look for the need in the haystack. George Burns, "Age is just a number, but retirement is one of the greatest gifts to mankind." We've found several retirement quotes and sayings that will fit their personality. We have now done so much for so long with so little, we are now capable of doing anything with nothing. Sargent: "Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner." Woman: "I bet the bastard will say I was speeding too." sergeant police joke confession woman driver speeding. What did the police arrest the hospital patient for? the People of the City of New York. 51. Dishes who? Officer: No, I am an undercover detective. Tourist: So, why are you in uniform? Officer: Today is my day off.. Funny retirement quotes and sayings. Funny retirement cake sayings are always a big hit (though not always appropriate for a workplace event). Dislike Like. All content, Oh, how jealous I am of you You make me feel blue! Quotes tagged as "retirement" Showing 1-30 of 160. Retirement may be looked upon either as a prolonged holiday or as a rejection, a being thrown on to the scrap-heap. Check out our police quotes selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our prints shops. Unknown, I have long been of the opinion that if work were such a splendid thing the rich would have kept more of it for themselves. Police chief: Do you have any leads or suspects for the murder case? 12. Unknown, If all the year were playing holidays, to sport would be as tedious as to work. You might catch something contagious. Police Retirement Quotes Funny. To display your contact list, you must sign in: It's St. Patrick, a Perfect Time to Be Punny! A trisara-cop. Retirement: That's when you return from work one day and say, "Hi, Honey, I"m home - forever." - Gene Perret " You know it's time to retire when the guys ask you if you're "getting any," you think it means sleep. 42. Bill Waterson, "Say goodbye to tension and hello to your pension." My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman for Halloween, told me that I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed. J. Discover and share police retirement quotes funny. It is the only pleasure I have left. W. Somerset Maugham, Work saves us from three great evils: boredom, vice and need. William Shakespeare, Choose a work that you love and you wont have to work another day. 23. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. 49 Police retirement Poems ranked in order of popularity and relevancy. 39. Women go right on cooking.". It is a chance to redesign your life into something new and different. 18. Before you pray, forgive. for the rest of the department. Every time you borrow money, youre robbing your future self. 35. Satchel Paige, A goal without a plan is just a wish. Fred Rogers The best is yet to come! Disclaimer: The content, calculators, and tools on NewRetirement.com are for informational and educational purposes Live well and prosper. When You Retire, by Tree.Cards When you retire, you get to sleep more, Funny Retired Police Officer Golf Retirement Gift T-Shirt 4.8 (9) $1999 FREE delivery Wed, Mar 8 on $25 of items shipped by Amazon Amazon Merch on Demand 5.0 (10) +4 colors/patterns Retirement Gift Ideas Police Officer Men or Women Mens Retired Police Officer Law Enforcement Sheriff Retirement T-Shirt 5.0 (1) $1799 45. Did you hear about the policeman who tried to make love to a bacon slicer? Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe, Cessation of work is not accompanied by cessation of expenses. I'm Retired. 7. What would you do if I stole a kiss? Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving? Betty White, "He who laughs last at the boss's jokes probably isn't far from retirement." If you are searching for funny retirement quotes, this list is for you! "Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did.". 33. A word of warning. I believe in financial retirement. A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. If our wealth commands us, we are poor indeed. Others couldn't imagine not working and will retire when they die. Unknown Army food: the spoils of war Unknown Friendly fire - isn't. Unknown The next round the wolf showed up at the butchery, he was arrested. This webpage contains inspirational retirement quotes and funny retirement quotes. We keep a photo of you in the office just remember that you now are in your garden, drinking your coffee and we are doing your job man! All sorted from the best by our visitors. Facts about financial success later in life! may Gods blessings be upon you Retirement is just a never ending vacation. I get to enjoy all the things I never stopped to notice on the way up. Officer: I notice your eyes are bloodshot. They arent going to get rid of me that way. Betty White, I need to retire from retirement. Sandra Day OConnor, Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life. Kitty ONeill Collins, Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. Will Rogers, A retired husband is often a wifes full-time job. Ella Harris, When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. Chi Chi Rodriguez, I always likened retirement to falling off a cliff, and then you have to kind of brush yourself off. Steve Young, Retirement at 65 is ridiculous. Call the Police. Why did the officer give the ghost a ticket? The perfect crime was committed last night. Showing search results for funny police retirement sorted by relevance. Beautiful Retirement Poems Each poet examines the fundamental opposites of bliss and poison. What do you call a female police officer playing guitar? to utter words, but to live by them. 30. "A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job" - Ella Harris. What does a frog use to keep away burglars? Women go right on cooking." Mason Cooley, Men do not quit playing because they grow old; they grow old because they quit playing. With Great Honor and Recognition However, the following funny retirement quotes for coworkers will help to make the retiring person smile by . 7. I tell them, a paternity suit. It takes a unique person to persevere to retirement, which is why police retirement quotes, sayings and plaque wording ideas should be taken seriously. Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers, A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Funny Cop Retirement Gift - Police Officer Retirement Poster By Adexyl $25.13 Copy of I Don't Always Enjoy Being a Retired Police Officer Poster By P4nd4store $24.69 I Don't Always Enjoy Being a Retired Police Officer Poster By P4nd4store $24.69 A Legendary Police Officer Has Retired Poster By HappyDelights $25.13 Unknown, "How do you know it's time to retire? The best GIFs are on GIPHY. . But I am happy you get to retire You always did inspire! "Here's to a well-deserved and happy retirement! I asked a rookie what he would do if he had to arrest his mother. My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind. Once police officers join the force, they are part of a tight-knit law enforcement community. The guy touches his elbow and winces in . The police are trying to say I assaulted a guy with a sheet of sandpaper. Weve also compiled some police officer happy retirement messages and wishes if youre looking for an inscription with a little more flexibility. As we express our gratitude, we must never Why did the coffee call 911? If you look at what you have in life, youll always have more. JONATHAN CLEMENTS. May you enjoy every minute of your retirement. What do police officers do when they are on the volleyball court? 10. A police officer pulled me over and said, Papers.. What is a police officers favorite type of tag? It is the beginning of the open highway. "The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.". What a great silence in the office, since we don't hear your.. really not funny jokes! Two rounds a day are plenty. Present This to You as a Symbol of The information presented is based on objective analysis, but it may not be the same that you Carolyn Leigh and Cy Coleman Jump in! May you enjoy your retirement! 19. Gail Sheehy, "Retirement, a time to enjoy all the things you never had time to do when you worked." Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did. Being a Boomer, my friends are beginning to retire or at least thinking about it. Sylvester Stallone - Judge Dredd. Did you hear about the criminal who stole a lamp? Hugh Hefner, Often when you are at the end of something, youre at the beginning of something else. 500 matching entries found. Vince Lombardi, "The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off." Discover and share police retirement quotes funny. present this to you in recognition of A police officer arrested a bottle of water because it was wanted in three different states. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it." - Gene Perret "I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. 65 tips for a healthy, wealthy and happy retirement. Simone De Beauvoir, The worst of work nowadays is what happens to people when they cease to work. The Wedding. So increasingly will be peace. # funny # animation # illustration # woman # drawing # happy # fun # party # stars # day # happy # fun # celebration # work . When Can I Retire?, and Whats My Retirement Income. Richard Armour, The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does. Happy retirement wishes! As long as youre working, you stay young. Today is my graduation day. This religious prayer and word of encouragement is a great way to honor the retiring police chief and wish him or her all the best for a happy and peaceful retirement life. The doctor replies, "OK. Touch your elbow.". Happy retirement my dear friend. The goal is to enjoy it to the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.". When I was 65, I still had pimples. George Burns, You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream. C.S. 20 Cops Memes Humor In 2020 Cops Humor Police Humor Cop Jokes. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it." - Gene Perret "When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income" - Chi Chi Rodriguez "There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working" - Robert Half "I have never liked working. Retirement: When you quit working just before your heart does. It is better to live rich than to die rich. A funny retirement poem is a great way to kick off the celebration. I got stopped last night by a police officer. Voltaire, The question isnt at what age I want to retire, its at what income. Your happy retirement wishes in a greeting card, email, or text are a pat on the back, a standing ovation, a hearty toast celebrating both the accomplishment and expectations that retirement represents.. Tailor your best wishes to the retiree as well as your level of relationship or appropriateness given your . Before you invest, investigate. You have always dreamed of concentrating on your own project. One fire truck and 20 cops show up to a call. Anonymous All the best for an amazing retirement! No matter your connection to or feelings for cops, police jokes will have the whole family laughing. Explore the options below for sample police retirement quotes, sayings, best wishes and more. "Hello, Goodbye" by The Beatles. What Are The Very Early Signs Of Dementia? provides you with a way to estimate your future retirement income needs and assess the impact of A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing. If you dont mind, it doesnt matter. Mark Twain, Retirement: no job, no stress, no pay! Unknown, Retire from work, but not from life. M.K. To me a job is an invasion of privacy." We wish you the best of luck Funny Retirement Quotes. shop 5STARGRAPHICDESIGN. William A. An officer comes across a man who is clearly under the influence. I didnt realize you were a cop.. Officer: I have to give you a ticket for not wearing your glasses. Driver: Officer, I have contacts. Officer: I dont care who you know, youre still getting a ticket.. It is the beginning of the open highway." The police are the public and the public are the police; the police being only members of the public who are paid to give full time attention to duties which are incumbent on every citizen in the interests of community welfare and existence. Let him come out as I do, and bark. Retiring State Trooper 11. What kind of dinosaur works for the police? Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!". There's more time for leisure but retirees take many different paths. Its not how much money you make, but how much money you keep, how hard it works for you, and how many generations you keep it for. as He inspires you every day. Unknown, Expect the best. And who knows? done for this department over the years! Ruby Dee, "Retirement means doing whatever I want to do. Hi Pension. R.C. Retirement memes: Sometimes the good old joke gets, well, old. What happens when a police officer goes to bed? I am not. Your tireless work ethic and 3. Finally a police car comes up. Unknown A retired husband is often a wife's full time job. I'm pretty jealous of you, but needless to say, I'm happy for your retirement. 12. How Did You, by C. A. Lynch How did you get to retire before me? Retirement is not the end of the road. Law enforcement officer retirement quotes are always inspiring, our samples are uplifting and warm but you can customize your gift plaque with any quote you choose. Clarence Darrow, "I'm not just retiring from the company; I'm also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron." Max Asnas, Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declared you legally insane in order to gain control of your estate. 1. Terri Guillemets, Tips for retirement from the science of happiness, In retirement, I look for days off from my days off. Source Unknown, Gods retirement plan is out of this world. 61. You deserve a great retirement, but I know you will still keep yourself busy. J. Lubbock, You have to put off being young until you can retire. When caught speeding, an airman on leave tried to talk an officer out of giving him a ticket. - Unknown We, the willing, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. Nothing happens by accident. John Barrymore, You know youre getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while youre down there. I can see a few of you look puzzled. All the best!". Vince Lombardi, Retirement is the ugliest word in the language. 6. SO I RETIRED AND FOUND I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB! The juicy bit of gossip everybody's been mouthing is that I'm going to retire. 47. Why did the police arrest the turkey? Soni, It is better to live rich than to die rich. Samuel Johnson, If people concentrated on the really important things in life, thered be no shortage of fishing poles. Doug Larson, As for me, except for the occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did. Robert Benchley, The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off. Abe Lemons, You have to put off being young until you can retire. Unknown, There is a whole new kind of life ahead, full of experiences just waiting to happen. Showing search results for "Police Retirement" sorted by relevance. Dick Van Dyke, "Choose a work that you love and you won't have to work another day." The police are calling it an axe-i-dent. POLICE OFFICER WIFE, Personalized, Prayer. As you plan retirement figure out what to say in a retirement card or write a retirement speech you will enjoy reading funny retirement quotes inspirational retirement quotes and much more about this wonderful phase of life. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples." The police caught a person erasing peoples criminal records. For myriad reasons, this is a sub-optimal short-term solution to what really is a long-term problem. What did the police officer say to the hand? This song shows that even goodbyes can be hellos to a new part of life. Why did the police arrest the star? Samuel Johnson, Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. When you get retired of life, you become the nanny of your grandchildren. Retirement's the most wonderful thing. Inspirational Retirement Quotes Men do not quit playing because they grow old; they grow old because they quit playing. Here are 25 retirement quotes for the next phase of your life: Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. They suspected it of fowl play, Do you know why diarrhea is hereditary? They say, Speed Limit 65.'. Why did the police arrest the turkey? "The more your money works for you, the less you have to work for money.". The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money. Jonathan Clements, I have never liked working. Leave the Relaxing to Her! Gilbert K. Chesterton, Men and women approaching retirement age should be recycled for public service work, and their companies should foot the bill. Add some lighthearted sarcasm and entertaining tidbits by drawing on famous retirement quotes and sayings from comedic characters, Marvel heroes, favorite reality stars, and more: Bowery King: "You're not very good at retiring. If you give one of these to a colleague, friend, or family member that is looking forward to retirement, it will surely help you communicate your appreciation. Wishing you a happy retirement! Unknown, "The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does." Judge: I thought I said that I never wanted to see you in here again., Criminal: Thats what I kept telling the arresting officer, but he wouldnt listen.. If we command our wealth, we shall be rich and free. Oliver Wendell Holmes, The best is yet to come! There you will remain for the last of your days, alone and carrying the Law.". Ifyou feel like theres something out there that youre supposed to be doing, it you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it. Ella Harris, You have to put off being young until you can retire. NewRetirement strives to keep its information and tools accurate and up "Enjoy being the master of absolutely nothing.". Give Without Remembering and Retirement is not a life without purpose; it is the ongoing purpose that provides meaningfulness. The officer looked at the mirror, handed it back and said, OK, you can go. When a good cop leaves the 'job' and retires to a better life, many are jealous, some are pleased and yet others, who may have already retired, wonder. Quote #20. I don't necessarily believe in physical retirement. This post is a roller coaster ride through some of the silliest and funniest quotes about retiring. Before you retire, save. 57. Cop: Where do you think youre going?, Driver: Donut shop, officer. Cop: At 80 miles per hour? Driver: I wanted to make sure I beat you there, so there would still be donuts to buy.. Police Quotes Police Humor Police Officer Cop Wife Police Wife Life Police Lives Matter Be My Hero Leo Love Law Enforcement which is why so few can do it well. However, my alarm clock and I have several years before we can reach that point. NewRetirement Planner and PlannerPlus are tools that Honestly, sleeping in past 5:30 a.m. sounds heavenly. Retirement!