. After Carnac entered and stumbled, Ed would continue as follows: "I hold in my hand the envelopes. may your mother stop receiving her child support checks fromthe pittsburgh steelers front four. questions having never http://www.torchweb.org/torah_detail.php?id=470, torchweb@gmail.com Maybe someday we'll have a cannonical list.-- Al Schwartz Pacesetter Systems, Inc., Sylmar, CAUUCP: {ttidca|ihnp4|sdcrdcf|quad1|nrcvax|bellcore|logico}!psivax!alARPA: ttidca!psivax!a@rand-unix.arpa. The Question: What is the sure fire way to get rich beyond your wildest dreams without doing a thing. They've been kept in The perfect Carnac The Magnificent Johnny Carson The Tonight Show Animated GIF for your conversation. . plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. Q: Who ruined that darn rug? A: Clean air, a virgin and a gas station open on Sunday. A: Head and shoulders. A: Chariots of the Gods. , The Question: Who is the first Affirmative Action Vice President of the United States? . A: The diamond lane. The Answer: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. Q: Who will they find sooner than Jimmy Hoffa? Q: Name three people who sell a lot of junk. A: Deep freeze. The Tonight Show: four-digit numbers (ostensibly the last four digits of an audience member's phone number).Carson Carnac the Magnificent: Carson plays a psychic . CARNAC: May the swami of Bagdad squat on your fez. Q: Name a Fudd, a Mudd and a dud. "Reading the contents of the envelope:"Name three things that have yeast. May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. I note with amusement the "Fuck Your Feelings" crowd's epic hissy-fit stompy-foot meltdown over the fact that I referred to Trump's "Diaper Valet" in a tweet yesterday. "University of Waterloo - ancient Chinese curse. girlfriend. A: "Yes man." CARNAC: May your desert pension fund be managed by Jimmy A: An unmarried woman. ), The Question: Who is the largest conservative in the Republican Party? The Answer: Sam Quint, Jonah, and Osama Bin Laden. Get Image Page 1 of 4 A: David Frost. Previous. (Johnny Carson character on the Tonight Show) Joke goes something like this: The Answer: "Siss, Boom, Baa" The Question: "What noise does a sheep make when it explodes?" Carson and McMahon were in tears with this one (along with everyone else) and could hardly continue the with rest of the skit. . May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt. Function: view, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/index.php The Question: Name two people who always seem to be called to a place where they make a lot more money. There are more than 10 alternatives to Carnac for Mac, Windows, Linux and Xfce. drip. doctors. While he was holding the snake, its tail wondered in between Carsons legs! cleanup team? Q: Name a focal that goes both ways. pre built n scale train layouts. share. Share. This crowd would applaud for a train wreck. Johnny Carson Carnak The Magnificent One Liners, Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-Un, Justin Bieber, & Dick Cheney Form Secret Super He-Man Poker Club, A List of 10 Little Known Facts About David Letterman, ABC Sends "Charlie's Angels" To That Big Cancelled TV Show Studio In The Sky, Joan Rivers on the 'Tonight Show': "I still got a chance! Kentucky: The state that is being dragged, kicking and screaming, into the 20th century. No more years! The Answer: Three of the best years of his life. Q: Name a jewel, a tool and a fool. I remember two of his classic curses: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits! and May a diseased yak drop dead on your front lawn!. The Question: Name one of Washington DCs many famous oxymorons. It is original material for the most part. CARNAC: May a bag of Pop Rocks explode in your shorts. Q: What did the dead raccoon say in his will? A: Kaleidoscope. and Supermanreplies "Johnny Carson, 1967" to which Lex remarks "Right. "Knickerbocker"Q. I have been collecting some things that are kind of obsolete now. Get Image May you get your first French kiss from a diseased camel. A client of mine was hosting a dinner party, wanted to entertain her guests by re-enacting this skit between Johnny Carson and Ed . Box 4, Folder 45. May a carsick camel moisten your Egg McMuffin. A: Los Angeles Dodgers. Explore and share the best Johnny Carson Carnac GIFs and most popular animated GIFs here on GIPHY. Icons & Idols Hollywood (#1212) 12/01/2011 9:00 AM PST CLOSED! Signed, the Honorable John V. Lindsay, Mayor, New York City." As part of that same bit, he held up a clam with a note attached that The Answer: Because they are afraid someone will clean them. Q: What are the only things that can move on Sundays? pants. After reading the answer, scroll down for the punch line and laughter. Line: 208 , The Question: Who is the Democrat Congressman in Mississippis 2nd Congressional District? Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate. be sending Georgia soon? A: Sha-na-na. Name, in reverse order, a droll comedian, the first name of a popcorn purveyor and a fat, self-absorbed, obnoxious loser!" . Q: What happens when your lorne rots? . A: 2001. The Answer: Kids, drunk people and tight yoga pants. , The Question: Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were in Congress. Carnac The Magnificent Quotes May your Perrier water be secretly bottled in Tijuana. Page, Return to Carnac the Vote Devining Consultant Page. A: Bedbug. share. , The Question: Whats the name of Madonnas latest hit single? No one knows the contents of This crowd is tougher than a camel pot roast. grenade? Q: What would you keep if you had to choose between sex and May you fall in the outhouse just as a regiment of Ukrainians finishes aprune stew and twelve barrels of beer. It was named in honor of the ancient Hagia Sophia in Constantinople and played a crucial role . Q: Name a fawn, a lawn and a yawn. The character was introduced in 1964. Return to Humor Page says "Having an unclean yak sit on my dinner." A: Buddy Holly. Q: What do you call a drink made with un-cola and prune What is missing here is his delivery. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Q: What should you answer to everything George Foreman As well, Eve was cursed that her husband should rule over her (see Genesis ibid), yet with the Womens Rights movement this has changed in a big way. A: Gunga din. The character was introduced in 1964. Q: What do you call a guy who streaks Minneapolis and St. A: Black and white and twenty feet tall. A: Touch and Go. Q: What does Zsa Zsa Gabor call the center of a church? Baseball-Reference.com Win Probability - New York Yankees vs. Boston Red Sox, May 30 1961 t1 b1 t2 b2 t3 b3 t4 b4 t5 b5 t6 b6 t7 b7 t8 b8 t9 b9 BOS 50% NYY. A: Pipe dream. A: Fists of fury and five fingers of death. Line: 479 "I've seen sex, and I think it's OK." -- Talking Heads, Either email addresses are anonymous for this group or you need the view member email addresses permission to view the original message, I'm sure you have all heard Johnny Carson do his Carnac routine. May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. ANSWER: Nestea Plunge. Question: Name a peanut, a doughnut and a gun nut. seats. car? shorts. Q: Why didn't Mrs. Franklin have any kids? A: Grape Nuts. Q: If voters have their way, what message will Jimmy Carter , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop! sister. CARNAC: May an untouchable take a liking to your only The Question: Name one person bitten by a shark, one person swallowed by big fish, and one person shot by a seal (a Navy Seal). CARNAC: May the winds of the Sahara blow a desert scorpion A: Fondue. A: "Sorry bub, no pub." A: Unleash. Contents The Question: Who can steal more money than a thousand men with guns and masks? A: Once is not enough. MORE OF THE BEST OF CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT. CARNAC: May a swarm of gay chiggers open a disco on your Q: Name a spud, a stud and a dud. Line: 192 Line: 24 "May your finger get stuck in your nose, and the nail continue to grow", (I have forgotten the origin of this one). If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. A: KKK, IRS, UCLA. While all were memorable, its her duet with Carson thats particularly unforgettable. Q: What do you call not getting busted? A: Eleven. Is that about right, sir? The Question: Name five things Dolly Partin has. I've often used Carnac in my work, pretending to be him, when confronted with the unknowable, the unanswerable, the irrational questions for which no reasonable responses are going to solve the problem. CARNAC: May your only son become a Pointer Sister. The Question: Whats the name of Bidens black, female affirmative action nominee to the Supreme Court? "How you must dread going to bed!" exclaimed Cynic. A: "Rose Bowl." . Q: How much time has Governor Brown spent in California I found something I always wanted to do, Carson said. The comedy came from an unexpected question following a seemingly straightforward answer. Ed: Often times, thats exactly what Clarnac gets. A: Mount Baldy. Q: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman. If one of Carnacs jokes (often a very bad pun) generated a negative response, Carnac would give a disapproving look, then cast a comedic "Middle Eastern curse" upon the audience. [1] Q: What would you find in Superman's bathroom? "What do you want to avoid doing when you shave her bocker? Q: What do CIA agents have to remember to go to the This is a very exciting evening for us at ______________________. Clarnac: (Glares at Ed) Clarnac is supposed to be the funny guy. After Carnac said an answer, McMahon would frequently repeat it in a booming voice ostensibly as a help to the audience setting up a sneer, putdown, or some other comic reaction from Carson. As a child of four can With the shamelessness of a used-car salesman, Carson pushed everything from Dr. Pepper to hemorrhoid cream with a Shakespearian twist. you? And even people who dont work at all need not starve, as food banks and charities abound, and governments provide welfare. May a camel with a weak kidney condition find your hope chest. A: Sueeee, sueeee. Q: What are two bad names for a laxative? In one of his most famous sketches, Johnny Carson channeled his psychic abilities as Carnac the Magnificent. Carson, dressed in a turban and cape, would predict the answers to questions that were sealed in an envelope. Q: What do you get from eating in the NBC Commissary? The Answer: The Senate Intelligence Committee. Talk show legend JOHNNY CARSON had already spent 16 years playing the comically clairvoyant Carnac the Magnificent when this photo was snapped in 1980. A: "Oh God!" Question Man". A: Touchback. One of Johnny's best-loved characters was Carnac the Magnificent. night? Q: What are good directions to a urologist's office? Ed McMahon would hand him stack of sealed envelopes with questions. A: Bible belt. A: Kris Kristofferson A: Putting on the dog. This is seriously one of the best pranks ever! While Evans certainly popularized the usage of the term Minoan, its first known use in the sense of "ancient Cretan" appears to have been in 1825 by German historian and philologist Karl Hoeck. The Answer: Under Willie Brown and through Joe Bidens colon. A: Pillbury cooking contest, a spasm of the diaphragm and A: Rub-a-dub-dub. , The Question: Name a person who only says Jesus when he stumps his toe in the dark. juice? . juice? violence? Q: When you do get from a near-sighted rabbi? , The Question: Who is the longest surviving member of the Japanese Air Force? |================================================, Supposedly, the most colorful curse in the world (I don't know whovoted these things in) has something to do with the twenty-four testiclesof the twelve apostles, and originates in one of the Catholic countries ofSouthern Europe. Q: What do you call an outhouse built on quicksand? A: Mop and Glow. A: A man with a mistress and a Russian Olympics judge. A: Shoo-be-doo-be-doo. In article <12@gitpyr.UUCP> gra@gitpyr.UUCP (Mark W Fouraker) writes: Paddy Chayevsky's "The Tenth Man" contains several curses on daughters-in-law. Q: What comes after Timbuk-one? , The Question: What is the oath of office for all politicians? The Question: How did Obiden sanction the Russians for invading Ukraine? Box 4, Folder 48. Q: Name an Eskimo porno film. , The Question: Whats the only way to get your spouse to listen to you? His reign on NBC's Tonight show lasted just a few months short of . [+6] - George - 11/14/2011 Answer: A goober, a cruller, and OmSigDavid. The Answer: Because the employees are smoking the 11 herbs and spices. "May a misguided platypus lay its eggs in your jockey shorts", or "May a confused weightlifter clean and jerk your sister", or "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits". May the bird of paridise fly up your noseMay an elephant caress you with its toesMay your wife be plaqued with runners in her hoseMay the bird of paridise fly up your nose, Ron Williams (not Tom Nadas, but an incredible simulation)--, UUCP: {decvax,linus,ihnp4,uw-beaver,allegra,utzoo}!utcsri!tomCSNET: tom@toronto, "Look over there, a dry ice factory. (Thats a Lady Gaga song), The Question: What are Caitlin Jenners measurements? The Question: What does Stacy Abrams call Tuesday? The Answer: Sinking faster than the Titanic. Browse more quotes by famous person's name. Watch now: Free with ads. The Answer: Dr. Ben Casey, Dr. James Kildaire, Dr. Doogie Howser, Dr. Marcus Welby, Granny Moses (Beverly Hills) and Dr. Anthony Fauci. Legal experts contacted by Yahoo News said the idea of Trump telepathically declassifying government documents is absurd. Hand made. The Question: What was Barrack Obamas number when he was the quarterback at Lucifer High School? The Answer: Dumbo, Eeyour, and Mitt Romney. . Q: What were some of the earlier forms of Preparation H? Q: Name two movies and a suppository. Q: What do you get from a bee that has an udder? A: Ransack. ED: And now I hold in my hand the last envelope. Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. CARNAC: May you be forced to visit a near-sighted A: Dustin Hoffman. A: Blazing Saddles. Q: What should be posted on Howard Cosell's tongue? A: Double hernia. The best alternative is Screenkey, which is both free and Open Source.Other great apps like Carnac are Key'n'Stroke , KeyCastr, KeyPress OSD and Mousepos. May you get your first French kiss from a diseased camel. A: E.S.T., P.M. and B.M. I'm Carnac had a trademark entrance in which he always turned the wrong direction when coming onstage and then tripped on the step up to Johnny Carson 's desk during his 30-year run on the Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (1962-1992). The act involved a variation of the magician's billet reading trick: divining the answer to a question written on a card sealed inside one of the envelopes, announcing it to the audience, then tearing open the envelope to reveal the question. A: "I never promised you a rose garden." I'm being held prisoner on a God-forsaken island! The Question: Clarnac hit a fat lady with my car. Scope and Content Script (Annotated "Ray") Box 4, Folder 44. Q: How many hospitals has Evil Knievel been in? In 1987, Myrtle Young came on The Tonight Show to show off her rare collection of potato chips. Carnac the Magnificent, a turbaned psychic, could answer questions before seeing them. ANSWER: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign promises. A: Keep your eyes on your prize. Click here to be a writer! CARNAC: May an unclean yak have an accident on your toupee. Q: How does Howard Cosell call his toupee? Carnac: May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your underpants. Q: Describe Mick Jagger's nose. "Carnac" examples: "Billy Graham, Virginia Graham, and Lester Maddox" . So we see that as we get closer and closer to the Messianic Era when the world will go back to a perfected state, curses are reverting all around us just as the Vilna Gaon predicted. As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. JOHNNY CARSON'S MAGICAL BEGINNINGS. Q: What instrument does a doctor use to examine your May the nurse in your hospital room bring you a frozen bed pan. . (Joke only good for Central Mississippi folks). May your enemies get cramps in their legs as they dance on your grave. CARNAC: May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your A: Pot luck. A: Damnation Alley. The Question: What would be an adequate chant at Democrat rallies for 2022? A: Superbowl. , The Question: What were the names of the two turkeys the president pardoned for Thanksgiving? Some of his one liners: "A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou." Reading the contents of the envelope: "Name three things that have yeast." As Allen acknowledged in his bookThe Question Man, this bit had been created in Kansas City in 1951 by Bob Arbogastand used onTheTom PostonShowin New York where it eventually ended up onThe Steve Allen Show, much to the surprise of both Bob and Steve. CARNAC: May a weird customs inspector discover a secret Towering Inferno. "Some sad news from Australia.the inventor of the boomerang grenadedied today. Q: What's a drink made with dry sack and prune juice? . The famous sage and soothsayer, all-knowing, all-seeing, all-omniscient, a weekend proctologist, and former Twitter advisor for President Donald J. Trump. Im Carnac had a trademark entrance in which he always turned the wrong direction when coming onstage and then tripped on the step up to Johnny Carsons desk during his 30-year run on the Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (1962-1992). So that when Balak brought Bilaam to the mountaintop so that he could view the Jews encamped down below and cast a curse upon them (see Numbers 23:28), Bilaam was moved to bless the Jewish people instead and to say, Mah Tovu Oholecha Yisrael How goodly are your tents, O Jacob , a blessing referring specifically to our beautiful Batei Keneses (Houses of Prayer) and Batei Midrash (Houses of Study). The Question: Why do most married men die before their wives? (Crowd applauds) #10. A: The 11th Hour. A: The Loch Ness Monster. The Carnac character and routine also closely resemble Ernie Kovacs' "Mr. The Question: How much is Oprah Winfrey worth? A: 50 miles per hour. Q: What does the Tidy Bowl man yell when he hears flushing? CARNAC: May a carsick mongoose change the color of your One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically"divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Falling in Love Again (1980) with Susannah York, The Hollywood Knights (1980 . (Crowd cheers) #10. Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Get Image Page 2 of 4 Get a random spoof news story. Ron Toth, Jr., Proprietor 72 Charles Street Rochester, New Hampshire 03867-3413 Phone: 1-603-335-2062 Email: ron.toth@timepassagesnostalgia.com Of course, our good friend the Serpent is still crawling around on his belly just as he was cursed to do (see Genesis 3:14), and thats not going to change anytime soon. A: "Hi diddly dee." A: Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. proctologist. plunger. May you be rich enough to own a house with 100 rooms, and may you be found dead in every one of them. The Question: What do you call a guy who likes to eat, drink, and be Mary? A: Ben Gay. Starring: Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon; Directed by: Bobby Quinn; The Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson - Show Date: 05/24/84. Q: Where should you address all your mail?