I’m trying so hard to look at things with the lens that people make mistakes, but maybe he doesn’t think breaking up was a mistake...just how he did it. broke up with her on Sunday morning. Anything - ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING - else - is just a way of chatting with you and keeping you simmering on a back-boiler until you are roasted, broiled, cooked, done, shredded, dried out and falling off the bone. hide. she's much stronger than I am and is probably on a better path to healing. The no contact rule can work twice. I wasn’t ignoring you, just don’t know what to say. How long should I wait to contact my ex? The normal way is to call her, meet up with her, re-attract her and reconcile. My Ex broke no contact. Kids make it so hard. Probably not, but that's not what NC is meant for. Then the next time they text you, reply IMMEDIATELY - with this message: "Your message could not be delivered because the recipient has blocked this number.". All this “Let’s just be friends” thing will do, is keep you clinging to the false hope of getting back with your ex, keep you down in the dumps much longer than you should be and ruin any chance you have of meeting someone new. It just feels wrong to leave things as they are without at least talking about it and getting some answers before we close this chapter. Q. That's what you're aiming for. If it's just to get something back, box up their stuff and have a friend give it to them. This reason alone is a no-brainer to give your ex space. Should be first on the list of important reads. "s, any tentative chit-chat - is just breadcrumbs. 'Yeah, right. report. This should be a book. This will give you time to think clearly about what you want to say. Let them vent and just be quiet. A. What is no contact? Take back control of your life by vowing to move on. A. There is just one downside, however, and we're going to discuss it in this post. Maybe everyone (including myself) can use these set of rules to heal as fast as possible. A. I actually made the effort to change things, we’ve been out places together in our city just to get fresh air, I got a bike and up until the the day that he dumped me we were even practicing biking because I’m a novice and he bikes almost every day. but that works only until the evening. Above all, never tell yourself "I'm not good enough, no one loves me, blah blah blah." Don't volunteer any information about yourself. He has a girlfriend. Someone who deserves you. Breaking no contact is dangerous. We all take different amount of times and go through different processes. Don’t feel shitty if you can’t exactly follow these rules. But if you respect yourself and have healthy self-esteem you'll never settle for being left hanging on a string. I don't know why I did it, but all I know, is that it was the most stupid thing I've ever done. A. If you are obliged by circumstance to live together, you should treat each other like housemates, respect each other's space and treat each other with cool, reserved and detached courtesy. I was busy with uni work so we met 3 weeks later and we slept together because in that moment I decided I didn’t want to wait for him to come around. To let go completely. I just have one question: what if you agree to be friends (she broke up because she didn’t want a bf and lose her independence), and in that time you’re still having sex, hanging out, she still tells you how attracted she is towards you, she kisses/cuddles, cares deeply about you, and even gets jealous?How to you go about it? A. Instead, you have to talk to your ex’s subconscious and make it seem like … You simply cannot lose on an investment in yourself. You don't want to hear how happy they are. Because, guess what? Make her contact you first. 6. 7. You just have to be happy with who you are. Bottom line, avoid contact with them at all cost. Reddit. Or you may be communicating your successes to mutual friends, which is another mistake people make after no contact, in hopes that your friends will relay this information to your ex.But don’t count on it. Nostalgia is very bittersweet, understand what it means. StumbleUpon. I’ve been considering texting and saying it. I just want to add a bit more, as someone that still is struggling with going NC. so basically all the good things that happened in the relationship not come back to haunt and torment me. Q. It allows you to reflect on your past mistakes and grow as a person. For the most part, Ex's will keep you as a friend so they have a 'back up plan' in case things fail with the new love of their life. ... A friend broke off with her ex-EUM five times, it would have been six if she finally had not broken off the cycle. So treat her as such. Working out is especially useful because not only does it release endorphins which help make you feel better but you'll start looking your best which will help you attract someone new. What should I do?? Do not respond. Fucking hell I did that pathetic "closure meeting" 1 week after NC because she couldn't handle NC and breadcrumbed me by asking about my feelings. You know what they say: "What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger". If I implement NC will I get my ex back? What about them?Just another day, just another situation to completely and utterly ignore. You want them to initiate the contact because it will be their heart that has changed. Take a bike ride. No matter what, don't contact them back right away. Healing, and Moving On. If you need something back, ask a friend to go get it for you. You need to vanish completely from their life and in the process, make them disappear from yours. You wasted those first 90 days. Don't make any small talk. Be gentle with yourself. Instead, he wants to give you an explanation as to why the relationship didn't work out for him. Q. I've been on NC for some time and my Ex just contacted me, what do I do? The no contact rule after breakup basically means that, for a period of at least two weeks, you should avoid any contact with your ex after you have broken up with them. Great set of rules. The site may not work properly if you don't, If you do not update your browser, we suggest you visit, Press J to jump to the feed. The above advice is, of course, providing there is no abuse, of any kind, or any severe issues making these kind of arrangements difficult. Does no contact really work to get your ex back? No contact, in brief, is meant as the best and quickest means for you to heal and move on. That's a self-defeatist attitude and kills your confidence and self-esteem. Writing letters, or arranging to meet 'one last time' to get closure, is a pointless exercise. Question: My ex-girlfriend says it’s over and there is no chance for us but she is still calling me and says things like it’s a shame it turned out like this and I saw you today and you looked sad. It will in all likelihood, happen as soon as you have decided you respect yourself enough to take back your personal power. The saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder is very true when it comes to breakups. If I implement NC will I get my ex back? Let’s cut to the chase: you’re here because you want to know how long after a breakup you should wait before contacting your ex.This is known as the No Contact Rule. I still love him... 0 comments. If you already broke no contact, there is still hope and you can start all over again. Often, an ex makes contact out of curiosity and not to get back together. Close. Q. 4. Maybe this Saturday so we have the headspace away from work and other things?”. We are all different people, and we all think and heal in different ways. If you are thrown together by circumstance, it is far better to focus on the latter, and to deal with the former, alone. If I'm completely honest, no contact rule can even work thrice or four and five times. After a month of no contact, he texted me about giving me back a mug and catching up. If you need Counselling, by all means go. After the initial relief your ex will feel right after the breakup, the next days of no contact (usually after a week or so) put your ex in a stage of curiosity.. Always remember: Your main goal when texting an ex is to get her on a phone call with you as soon as possible, so you can then begin reawakening her sexual and romantic feelings for you. S. Reddit. After eight days i broke the no contact rule and sent him an article and a text message wher ei say that i must admit i think of him. When the dumper extends the hand of friendship, well, that seems very kind and generous, but it's actually very thoughtless and selfish. If your ex contacts you but doesn't show interest in getting back together, it is called breadcrumbing or breadcrumbs. Press J to jump to the feed. What should I do if I broke the No Contact Rule by reaching out to her even though she didn’t contact me first? 371 Comments. The sooner you cut ties with the ex, the quicker you heal yourself up, improve where you can and embed the lessons of your past - then the better off you'll be for someone else. I still live with my ex. it's kinda ironic, come to think of it. Show them you have a life and you don't need them in it. It gives you space to get organized, to correct bad habits, and to find and action an effective plan. I should mention; if you broke up with your ex boyfriend and you’re using the no contact rule, make sure you don’t use it for too long. We try and remain friends for our daughter. Q. "I don't want to go out with you - you DON'T rock my world, and you're not 'the one' but at least if I suggest staying friends, it doesn't make me out to be a callous person, and if you WILL be my friend, then I can't be that bad - and you can't be that hurt, can you?" even if i did the dumping, it seems I got the short end of the stick anyway. Q. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. The complete 180. Well, I didn’t reply for three days. No small talk, no information. What is the best way to get closure from my ex? The No Contact Rule is a technique that some people try to use to get their ex back after a breakup or a divorce. They will either return out of emotional trauma (and the reasons why you broke up will remain) or they will see through the manipulative smokescreen and allow their pride to propel them to greener pastures. extremely exhausting. Thank you for posting. Unfortunately for men, it usually doesn’t work to get their ex woman back. freakin' addiction, man! It has been dragging on for about 8 weeks which is since the time we broke up. I wrestled and tormented myself over this, I watched YouTube coach after YouTube coach emphasize no contact but then go on to say that you shouldn’t ignore your ex if they reach out. Just hang out, have fun and hook up. I know closure is a myth, but I do think after 6 months of dating we should at least have a conversation about what went wrong, in person. Don't permit emotion to cloud your judgement or to affect your discussion. Broke no contact to respond to my ex, now he wants to meet up My ex dumped me on New Year’s Day, and it totally blindsided me. Either to protect themselves, or to protect your feelings. A. How are you doing now? Question: My ex-girlfriend says it’s over and there is no chance for us but she is still calling me and says things like it’s a shame it turned out like this and I saw you today and you looked sad. Another possible reason why your ex didn’t respond to you when you broke No Contact is… 2. If you intend to break the No Contact Rule, don’t do it just to spend a lot of time sending your ex pointless texts or making multiple phone calls as a friend. What should I be doing to implement NC? It is exactly what I need to be doing right now, with all the logical reasons spelled out. He also said that if I wanted him to hear about how his actions impacted me, that he would listen. Below is a set of rules pulled off of another forum. I was in your stage a month ago. Three: Any answers or responses you do get - will simply serve to prompt more questions on your part. My ex and I are still very much in contact,no official break up,he said he grew distant because i deserved more and he was a terrible lover,what's the possibility of him being my soulmate? Furthermore, keeping you as a 'friend' is designed to make them feel better about things - not you. Anything that reminds you of the ex should be boxed up and put in a safe place out of daily view and easy reach. So on the 91st day, you break no contact, hoping to re-attract your ex. Jenny on April 04, 2020: Hi, my ex and I broke up for over a year and couple months.He left me for someone else then returned about 7weeks after we broke up. And never resort to spite, or retaliation; if you are obliged to do something, and agree to a specific arrangement - stick to it. It’s natural to be angry and it’s natural for your emotions to overcome your senses. 27-year-old Kimberly from LA said she and her ex, 29, broke up because of her insecurities. If you text them once because you’re in a hard place, don’t beat yourself up for it. You'll end up right back to square one and have to start all over. My ex dumped me on New Year’s Day, and it totally blindsided me. (Blocking/deleting numbers prevents calls, but doesn't always prevent texts.) The only reason you should go is if you truly believe that it'll help you move on. I doubt I could. "I'm really sorry for what I did. Cookies help us deliver our Services. not you have to avoid 3-4-5-6 social networks and messaging apps all designed on purpose to facilitate sharing and communication, the opposite of what I'm trying to do here. If they really want you back, then you have to listen out for the apology. if you pass razor wire up one nostril and down the other, while poking your eyes out with needles - it will hurt only marginally less than talking to them, and getting nothing from them but pain. (I … Keeping you as a friend, is a way of relieving their guilt, and convincing them that hey, it can't hurt all that much, if you're willing to just be a buddy, right....? Sporadically breaking no contact … This is a great set of rules. If contact is required, keep it business-like. Seeking closure just reeks of 'desperate'. When your ex girlfriend reaches out after a long time of no contact, the emotions come back, old passions flare, and your brain starts spinning around wondering what the heck you should do. Ask yourself if you're happy being #2 in someone's life. A. Yeah that's logical - if you say don't contact, there is a good chance they won't even if they want to check in. Not only does he sound like a person who isn't worth keeping around but being persistent is more than likely to push him further away. I just got dumped after a 5 year relationship we have a 6 year old daughter together. ut here's how people on Reddit managed to get over the person they thought was their soulmate. When you reply, make sure that it's polite and to the point. If you can't, just be polite and smile and wave if they wave at you. Mostly, to appease their own guilt, make them feel better, and confirm that they can still yank your chain. But that's not what No Contact is meant for. He then said that if I wanted to talk and have a conversation about the reasons why the relationship wasn’t working for him that he would be willing to do that. If you've deleted all their contact info yet still remember how to reach them, call a friend instead. It's hard to get over any breakup — let alone one with a person you thought you would be with forever. Exercise releases endorphins, and after a while, the more you take care of yourself, the better you'll look. In that situation, I would just keep it as iS. Because deep down, all you want out of closure - is for them to do an about turn and admit they were wrong. Be the first to end the conversation. A. So glad there’s a no no for this. If, for example, you need to discuss the children, or any custodial arrangements, just discuss the children and the custodial arrangements - and that's it. Breaking up should always be followed by no contact no matter what the reason for the break up was. And become whole, to love again. I'm starting to think I'm not suitable to be in a relationship again after this breakup, went through a lot in the past few relationships, and still let similar mistakes repeat itself and in the end, hurting myself the most. A. I know it’s gonna hurt so bad to see him again, but I can’t back out of this I think it would be a big mistake. He has a tendency to make impulsive decisions and a few weeks before we broke up he had actually seemed like he wanted to break up because cause he got moody about wanting to be outside more, exercising together and seeing friends (within reason in a pandemic). Do something to occupy your mind. That means no calls, no emails, no text/sms, IM's, absolutely no checking FB or Twitter - nothing. In addition, get rid of their phone number, emails and email address, remove all the pictures/photos/memories/gifts. Don’t beat yourself up if you break it. Even if your ex broke up with you thinking you’ve cheated on him or her, you still have no proving or convincing to do. It eases their guilt. Should anything be an impediment to this kind of contact, then you should avail yourself of a mediator, or legal representative, and keep as far as is humanly possible, from your ex. This means that he contacted you first and broke the no-contact. Yes, absence makes the heart grow fonder, but if you're banking on NC as a way to manipulate your ex back into your life - you are in for a rude awakening. They are definitely not sitting around with their new love, wondering why you aren't calling them. I’m scared that I’m making a mistake, but I’m not gonna back out on him. You need to grieve a loss, but don't dwell on it. The breakup itself was really bad and it took me at least a week to really get myself together and function. thank you, i need this. I got excited and texted him back, and we ended up meeting. Consider yourself lucky and smart enough to realise that, the sooner you implement NC and get on with your life the sooner you can meet the right person for you. What do I do now? Forever And you can share it with whomever you choose. Additionally the best way to make someone see they're being an phekk-wit is to not be one in retaliation. Instead, you care about the components of how the no contact rule can help you win your ex back. A. As you said, you should go with no expectations. No contact is just that. If they want to talk, remember the rule. Q. The only time friendship will be possible, is when you can see them in the arms of another loving partner, completely happy, and holding their child - and think to yourself, "Meh... that reminds me....I need some sweet peppers and tomatoes.". For several reasons. Waiting is never an option, I believe. Don't answer if they call. If you do have any chance of reconciliation, your best bet is to leave them alone and forget about them. I heard some idiot say something profound....99% of all relationships fail...think about that one... Reading all of this really did helped me overcome all of this. Sherry, 66, took her ex, 52, back even though he'd ended things eight times during their 14-year relationship. Q. I don't want to implement NC because I don't want to lose him/her. I broke the No Contact Rule when I first applied it too and I was still able to get over my ex. However, this takes some time of NC. A. They themselves may be confused about the situation, so you may get one answer one day, and a different one the next.... Two: They will lie. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the ExNoContact community, Looks like you're using new Reddit on an old browser. Ensure that all negotiations, agreements and arrangements, are arrived at logically, not emotionally. technology only makes things worse. I’m aware that if that was even on the table being apart for two weeks isn’t long enough for us to fix things, or change. And this is ideally what you want. Only then, it’s safe to wish him a happy birthday, because you know you won’t annoy your ex or push him further away. The First Stage of No Contact Working: Curiosity. I do want to talk and I want to put in the effort. It's breaking all ties to your ex. Each time you fail in a relationship you gain invaluable knowledge that will aid you in the next. Just think about this, you will be less hurt if you consider the NO Contact rule. You want them to change their minds. Getting back in contact after I broke … My ex broke up with me on Christmas. Do not ever send any form of Birthday wish (just another excuse to cling to them),and do not respond to anything they send you (Just more breadcrumbs rubbish). Some of these rules may not directly apply to you, even if they are the easiest way. Why rip out the stitches, and tear the wound open again? Question: I’ve read many of your articles and answers and I think n/c if used properly is way more powerful than you give it credit for. I don’t want to try and change his mind. Additionally, the natural reaction of any ex when you cling on to them is for them to literally spring in the other direction. Vent . The birthdays part. The question is: Why are they contacting you? Every step forward you make is one step closer to meeting the person of your dreams. 2. I really needed to read this today. No contact, in brief, is meant as the best and quickest means for you to heal and move on. in the past it was enough to don't answer your phone or don't text. Your heart's just been ripped out and turned inside out by them leaving you - it's like a phase of mourning - so how s/he can tug at your heartstrings and expect you - as someone who still has deep-seated feelings for them - to just flip to 'be my friend!" No contact is just that. Keep it light and let her bring up being back together. If your ex texts you during no contact this is what you should say to them in order to preserve your power and keep them missing you. Vote. Trust me, while you are on NC with them and they are with someone else, you don't want to know how they are doing. My ex broke up with me on Christmas. THIS IS PERFECT PUT THAT SHIT IN THE WIKI. So much truth, thank you for that! The rule for LC is that any contact is kept to the absolute necessary minimum. It will set you back to the day of the breakup, forcing you to relive the day you got broken up with. I haven’t said anything to excuse his behavior, I don’t even know right now if I can forgive him for what he’s done yet because I’m still hurting so bad. Well, really - it's completely irrational and unreasonable. Otherwise, I’m not interested but I wish you well.”, He replied back pretty quickly: “Hey no worries on taking time to reply. 6 weeks, 6 months or even 6 years won’t matter if the intensity of feelings is not mutual. The No-Contact Rule is one of life's necessary evils. Get out, don't sit around the house pining for your Ex. Yes, it's kind of a game but at this juncture, it's a necessary evil. He wrote me back :thanks for your article on facebook and ur message as well hope things are good with you have to admit i think of u as well. The no contact rule is a technique to get your ex back but also an appropriate response to being dumped or broken up with. That's really what this whole 'No Contact' deal is all about. Works for most of the people, I have coached. Unfortunately, there is no real way to speed up the recovery process. If you're nursing a shattered heart, you can't handle what they have to say. Probably not, but that's not what NC is meant for. It's been a struggle and I still sometimes cry when I see something that reminds me of us. A question we get asked a lot, is 'what about Birthdays? But realize what it represents is the past. I know a lot of people might disagree, but first of all, I would want to know why the ex is contacting me. Closure, is like Vomit: It comes from within, but you need to get it out of your system. Pretty soon, they should give up. You kid yourself that this type of interaction does not count and that you can resume no contact where you left off, but you can’t. And the better you look - the better you'll feel. You are plenty good enough and someone will love you. I asked him if he’ll come back he goes back n forth between I want to get my own place to maybe.... should I go no contact? A. Then she tells me everything great that’s happening in her life hinting that she’s somewhat dating but not really. Can No Contact work a second time if you already broke it? A lot of people need to hear this!!!!! Tumblr. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. It will be so much easier, because he will be curious why you suddenly stopped chasing him. Excellent post! Unfortunately, you have to reset the no contact clock and start all over again. Just always try to treat yourself better than yesterday. To accept what has happened. Whenever professional dialogue is required, keep to that. You may have initially tried no contact after a break up. My ex and I broke up in the beginning of March and went 2.5 weeks of no contcat. No contact is there for you to stay healthy and recover as quickly as possible. Please, can you find it in your heart to try again?". When we actually talked things out, he said he realized that his reasons for breaking up were stupid, and we ended up staying together until earlier this month. If so, more power to you. That doesn’t work, not surprisingly, so what do you do now? Benign Indifference. Remember: The question is NEVER "Why are they doing this or why have they said that? But pain is pain, business is business. 'Ll look ended up meeting from my ex t want to say 's how people Reddit. By vowing to move on kept to the point and don ’ t ignoring you, and that! Attitude and kills your confidence and self-esteem out of closure - is just one downside, however, to. Friend give it to them loss, but the convo a no no for this hear you! Angry and it took me at least a week to really get myself and... 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N'T heard a word from her.. you can send your short condolences do. The work, not surprisingly, so I gave it to them, they. A matter of time the worst things to base any decisions on all.! Yourself ex broke no contact reddit the better you look - the better you 'll feel yourself, the dumper,... Rationale, any arrangement is likely to fail the more you take care yourself... Matter of time they contacting you wondering why you are again and have a 6 year old together... Step closer to meeting the person of your life by vowing to move on releases... Is just one downside, however, and to the day of the stick anyway reply for three.. Gon na back out on him second chance, and tear the wound open?... Broken up with my girlfriend April 09 I went straight n/c for 4 months men, usually! For space, so I gave it to them power you give to your ex?. Matters as they are having doubts, they will make it clear in. Habits, and it took me at least a week to really get myself together and.! 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