Meeting up makes me feel really anxious and risks me going limerent again but I do want LO to move on, especially so that he stops reaching out to me. Do not hook up with your ex if you’re not 100% over the relationship. Namely, a place that makes you look good, like you’re the classy sort of guy who “knows places” in town. Free to join to find a woman and meet a woman online who is single and looking for you. Ex wants to meet up and talk? If your ex girlfriend wants to meet up and you haven’t seen her in a while, you want to pick a place that sends the right message. Identify your feelings towards the ex - Ideally, you should figure out what you feel towards this person. via text, on social media, on a phone call) and get her to meet up with you so that you can re-spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you. But in the end.. you gotta put yourself first. Grow up and accept responsibility. When your ex girlfriend mentions that she still wants to be friends, you will be tempted to follow the following common strategy: “Ok I’ll be her friend and stay on her friend zone for a while, and I’ll slowly make my way back and re-attract her again!” His emotions are not yours to manage, and in fact, it is impossible for you to "give him" a sense of closure. Personal issues. There's a different between being cruel, and being consistent and kind in establishing a necessary boundary. If I go NC, he'll see that as me selfishly imposing his needs and ignoring his emotional well being (which, of course, takes precedence on his side). I will try my best to give you closure in the best way. My advice would be to tell him that, tell him you're sorry for what he is going through but you firmly believe that seeing you will not help him move on, and would be detrimental for you as well. I had been mutually limerent with LO over several years. Signs Your Ex Girlfriend Wants You Back. 4. I want to move on and that would make things harder. (I … Thank you for your reply. Me: Okay, I'm sorry. There are no demands here. He's wrong. Ex wants to be friends I want more: You don’t want to be Friend-Zoned by the one you love! It's just the start of me moving on, you accepting responsibility for your actions. Are you so afraid of the fact that you are unable to maintain your own boundaries? If your ex asks to meet you, it’s generally a good sign that he or she might want you back. She wants to meet up with you to discuss those things, or to see how the two of you are going to interact, and to see if it would be a good idea to get back together. At the very least, your ex has unresolved feelings that they’re trying to explore. If your ex wants to know how work is, who you are seeing and what you are up to in general, that’s a ginormous signal they still want you in their life. Bringing up memories We had … Honestly, this is probably the most likely. The last thing your ex needs or wants is to get dragged into your relationship dramas, whether they're a temporary distraction, means to a (literal) end or long-term replacement. Did she delete you off Facebook? New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the relationships community. He's already shown significant interest in seeing you face-to-face, and if he wanted nothing more to do with you he wouldn't have agreed to meet at all. NO. On one hand, we might miss our ex terribly and want another shot. Remember, the key purpose of these “Meet Ups” is to re-engage with your Ex and to continue to build attraction. You guys didn't break up on bad terms. Press J to jump to the feed. Every situation is slightly different, but in general, exes want to meet up for the following reasons: to relieve their guilt and check up on you to see whether you’re still hurt to become/remain friends with you for validation and empowerment purposes Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. Allow this to happen naturally, and above all else, don’t rush things. Close. They get very clingy and obsessive. I guess I have to accept that and move on. Let’s be honest with ourselves, whether it’s been hours, weeks or years, meeting an ex for coffee will always mean something more than just a simple catch-up (even if we convince ourselves that’s all it really is). He wants to be friends but I want to move on. This is what I call the MEETING after the Meet-up. We want them to bow and scrape and rue the day that they ever hurt us. When your ex puts out that feeler, it seems weak and confusing. You told him no, and he is not accepting it, not even accepting a compromise. LO: Obviously it's not going to be a final conversation. My ex girlfriend from two years ago texted me from out of the blue asking me how I've been, what I'm up to, etc. Becoming a better ex. I have trouble maintaining my own boundaries and it helps to think of it as something which will help both of us and is not just me being selfish (which is how he frames it). It's been almost a week and I haven't texted her back because I'm so nervous. This sub is a community of people who self-identify as being in the state of limerence and are looking for support and strategies to deal with their condition. Can we find a compromise like a video call, a letter, another idea you can think of? It wouldn't be that bad to see each other again. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. He has no right to demand anything at all. This is the most obvious reason. I’m here to tell you that this is a BIG opportunity for you …and it’s something you shouldn’t ruin. I don't want him to have that image of me and I genuinely don't want to be an asshole here. Rather, they'll be happy, and might even wish you well. "LO will just say that I am being narcissistic, abusive, selfish and cruel." I've asked for compromise but none are acceptable to him. I think I have a real problem in saying no here because LO will just say that I am being narcissistic, abusive, selfish and cruel. A big fact NO. Why do you always have to treat me like your enemy? Distinct from love (as it is traditionally understood), or lust, limerence is a concept pioneered by psychologist Dorothy Tennov's seminal research as described in her book, "Love and Limerence." Posted by 4 months ago. LO: It's always about your feelings. You guys had a short relationship. I've asked for compromise but none are acceptable to him. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. 2. LO: Here you go again, prioritizing your feelings over mine. "If you and your ex are still friends, absolutely text them on birthdays and holidays," he says. It’s a chance to see how things have progressed, where life is taking them and how we will react to their presence. They are driven by different motives. How can I work with LO here? He needs NC as much as you do and maintaining that is the kindest thing you can do. Any advice? Let’s explore some possible reasons! (171 Posts) Add message | Report. I had been mutually limerent with LO over several years. 29F here. LO contacted me a few days ago and the conversation went something like this: LO: Let's meet up and talk things over so we can be friends. You putting my feelings first for once. chickentikkasarnie Thu 03-Mar-16 09:14:04. TL;DR I am ex-LO's LO. Meeting Up With Your Ex For The First Time Since The Break. When a married ex wants to meet up? When your ex girlfriend reaches out after a long time of no contact, the emotions come back, old passions flare, and your brain starts spinning around wondering what the heck you should do. Rose on April 02, 2018: I caught my boyfriend talking to his ex twice now and his excuse was I knew you would get mad and the second time was I forgot to tell to you because I was to busy so I didn’t bother telling you. A lot of people are going to tell you to move on and to forget about her and that a meet-up is a bad idea. Dating your best friend's ex reddit - Find a woman in my area! He initiates all meet ups and all contact. That's a tough situation. I need to meet up with you to get closure. /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. It could be something like giving up smoking, getting a new job, going to the gym etc. You idealized me, now you discarded me. Press J to jump to the feed. I want you to be able to move on. He said himself that he will never stop trying to get you back. Do not meet up with them. Getting Your Ex Boyfriend To Meet or See You Just getting to the point where your ex has agreed to see you is a very good sign that he might want you back. I have been getting over it and a few months ago had told LO that nothing ever would happen beyond being in touch from time to time in a friendly way. He's being completely unreasonable. For example: A woman might say to her ex man, “I think we should be friends.We should stay in touch.” Rather than agree with her about being “friends” and then immediately organize a meet up where he can reactivate some of her feelings for him in person, he instead says, “Sure, lets be friends.Text me or call me if you want to say hi” and he then waits for her to contact him. Want to meet eligible single man who share your zest for life? In fact, it doesn't seem that he is seeking closure, he is seeking a way to continue contact with you. He calls his ex to his house and ask her to do his washing of which his ex ended up burning my stuffs. Should I meet up? This really got me thinking. If your ex wants to meet up to “catch up” it’s likely that he has felt an emptiness in his life since you exited it, and simply wants to meet up … Should I meet up? If you’re on this site, you’re looking for solutions in terms of getting back together; not being friends with an ex that left you (or the person that maybe you broke up with.) The more time/attention you give them, the more limerent they become. I have not talked about relationship status as I am trying to make him feel un-pressured so he will want to see me so we can gradually re-build a strong connection. Your emotional well being takes precedence. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Thank you, that's really helpful. 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